Week 10 (12/7/21)
Game 1
Keegan: Ur-Dragon | Ryan: Codie | Sean: Marisi
With a 3 man pod because Alex is a big fat bum who cannot get his life in order, the three adventurers set out for a blood fueled night. There were two new decks this game. Codie is a spell slinging, “I cascade the hard way” deck. The deck likes to counter, draw, shuffle it’s deck back in, and steal creatures out of others decks. Keegan had a stable of new decks for this month and Marisi was the first out the gates. The commander wants you to beat the shit out of others so they can beat the shit out of others (just not you).
I believe that Ryan had first turn, and no one took a mulligan. This game was very intense and blood fueled. Each opponent duking it out like the titans of old, with each swing they grasped for higher powers and more might. Reaching for the stars above, while trying to keep the others down. Now let us go to my man at the ground of this tremendous event to get some up to date news:
“Thanks Fat Bastard, literally nothing happened besides Codie hitting Inevitable Betrayal and ripping out an Old Gnawbone from someone’s deck. Honestly I am not sure who. But then Ur-Dragon stole it with Dragonlord Silumgar cause he is a ho. Then Keegan hit Ryan with lethal and Sean scooped it up. WoOo HoOo. Back to you My 600lb Life“.
Thanks Whooping Crane Head for that update. You heard it here first folks, nothing happened but someone won! Stay tuned for the incredible story of a man who is somehow not depressed.
Game 2
Keegan: Lathril | Ryan: Kaalia | Sean: Locust God
The second game of the night was all repeat offenders. Since someone has let Kaalia out of her cage she has been showing up to every game, even when not invited lmao.
No clue if who went first or mullied, but who cares??? We are all gas and no brakes here, WILD CARD BITCHES. The early game saw a lot of great tempo curve happening. The God was hitting his curve well, and countered the first instance of Kaalia, and followed up with roughly a T5 Wheel of Fortune. The God only smiles on the fortunate. Kaalia also was hitting a top shelf curve, with Nyx Lotus being the main fuel to the mana fires. Lathril also was fully aboard the curve train, and noted by the operator, that it hit no taplands. Keegan got a raging clue from this.
The first of the mighty to fall was Keegan. He was eliminated by Kaalia and her clan of flying fookers. Ryan at this point was at 49 health and Sean was at 29.
At some point shortly after this Ryan snapped off a Peer into the Abyss targeting himself. He then followed it up by tapping his lotus for 15 white and casting Fumigate. But The God had something to say, and cast Fierce Guardianship to counter that nonsense. But then Ryan cast the true final boss, his Platinum Angel. Luckily Keegan was able to record this whole interaction here: Link. Ryan then Demonic Tutored for a Damn. Ryan moved to combat (all that shit was first main???), and swung for 29, gaining 58 health. Sean chumped with his insect peasants.
On Sean’s next turn he cast a Sea Gate Restoration, drawing himself 9 insects and prayed to The God that he “live long enough to mill”.
Passing the turn back to Ryan, he overloaded his Damn, but only to get met by a Force of Will from Sean. Ryan laughs in Kaalia, and casts (this deck can cast creatures???) a Rune-Scarred Demon. But Sean was dead set on not letting anyone else play, countered it with a Counterflux. Ryan shrugs and casts a Baneslayer Angel, and Sean responds with a Mana Leak*. Ryan pays the 3 like it is change to a peasant. He then moves to combat and swings for 39, and gains 78 life off of an 8 insect chump from Sean. Ryan is at 185, Sean at 29.
Sean has a much “tamer” turn and ONLY plays a Jin-Gitaxias, Core Augur. Which drew him 7 and made 7 insects. He humbly passes.
Ryan drops out a Fires of Invention and Lightning Greaves on is next turn. Swinging 9 creatures, forcing Sean to chump with 8 insects and his Kefnet the Mindful. Sean’s insects are down to a measly 2 now, and Ryan gained 86 life. Ryan is at 271 and Sean at 29.
Sean mutters “fucking taplands” at his own deck. He drops a Psychic Corrosion down, but Ryan is safe behind his Platinum Angel. Sean follows up with a Temporal Mastery at full cost, and also mills Ryan for 20 that turn. Sean needs to mill Ryan 13 cards to clear his deck now.
Sean starts his extra turn and gets the library out, but is still alive due to Platinum Angel. Sean is able to drop a Vesuvan Shapeshifter and copy the Platinum Angel. Sean also plays a Teferi’s Puzzle Box. Apparently Narset, Parter of Veils is also out, and on activation it reveals a Library of Leng. Sean has locked Ryan out of the game (lololololoolololol). Following that, he drops out a Spark Double and doubles up The God. He Skullclamps 2 insects, draws 4, and gains 8 insects, all in the name of “fucking fishing for answers”. The engine is warm now boys. Jin triggers, Sean gains 7 insects.
On Ryan’s turn he attaches the Greaves to Platinum Angel and swings in. Ryan is a 351, Sean is at 29.
When the world is bleak, and the horizon show no hope, who does man turn to? The gods can be prayed to, but they do not always answer. Is The God evening listening? Does it hear ants such as myself? Does it bother with us, does it care? Does it even see our hardships as an issue, or a game?
Well the question asked since the dawn of religion was answered here, THE GOD HEARD YOUR PRAYERS AND ANSWERED. With all of the power vested in Sean from Grandpa Muto, and belief in the heart of the cards, Sean top decks a Cyclonic Rift. He overloads it while his powers rise to over 9000, and blows Ryan’s board back to his, removing his only piece of cover. At Ryan’s next drawstep he loses, and once again, David slays Goliath (how is this book not a tale of mythology again??).
*I needed to interject that Sean is fucking madlad for including Mana Leak in his deck. Like what an absolute nutter. That counter in EDH is only truly good early game due to mana going so big, but fuck I love that card. So I tip my hat to Sean, for you are a man amongst boys for this.
Game 3
Keegan: Kaalia | Ryan: Zaxara | Sean: Omnath
Game 3 we saw yet another new face in Omnath, Locust of Creation. This deck and card is just bullshit, so to Keegan from the rest of the Mana Addicts, fuck you.
We are tuning into yet another game that started fast and quick. Turn 1 we see Sean casually play out a Burgeoning. NBD in his landfall deck I imagine. By T2 Sean has a measily 4 lands, and plays out Omnath. Ryan does not like this, and bounces Omnath to hand. Luckily no value was had off him. T3 we see a missed land drop for Kaalia, and “Omnath returns“. T4 no land for Kaalia, (wonder who’s deck that is), discards Aurelia, the Warleader. Omnath casually plays out Obuun, and Zaxara makes it’s long awaited appearance. T5 we see a pair of Swiftfoot Boots coming out of Keegan’s closet, and Sean swings with Kodama, of the East Tree (This deck is just our commanders I am realizing). This puts the health totals at Ryan at 33, Keegan at 25, Sean at 45. On Ryan’s turn he plays a Hungering Hydra and makes a 2/2 hydra.
With the start of T6 we see the Kurse of Keegan seeping into Kaalia with another missed land drop, and tosses a Drakuseth, Maw of Flames into the bin. Sean then follows up with a Moraug, Fury of Akoum and for his free drop puts out a Tatyova, Bentic Druid. Sean swings dropping life totals to Ryan at 33, Keegan at 15, Sean at 45 (Sean getting his repressed anger for Keegan out lolololololol). Ryan on his turn then snaps off an Animists Awakening for 8, and hits 4 lands! He then follows up with a Rashmi, Eternites Crafter.
Turn 7 we see Keegan hit a mountain, but doesn’t do shit else (lololololol). Sean bitches about not having lands? (has 8 on field), and out of frustration plays Doubling Season and Urza, Lord High Artificer. But this is not retribution enough for him, and seeks his opponents blood as reparation. This puts the life totals at Ryan 33, Keegan -1, Sean 45. Passing the rock to Ryan, he plays out Chadwick, the Wizened for 4. This nets him Chadwick, a 4/4 hydra, and 4 cards. He plays a Greater Good and discards a Pridemalkin.
Sean wastes no time on T8 and activates Urza, getting a Rhystic Study and plays it. The free drop off of Kodama we see a Scute Swarm hit the field (weakkkkkkk). He follows this up with a Howling Mine. Ends his turn with 3 scutes and 2 zombos. Ryan at Seans end step sacs a hydra and draws 8, and Sean responds by tapping his Howling Mine with urza (BRING BACK MANA BURN). Ryan untap and casts Nissa, who Shakes the World, and ticks her up one. He then follows up with a Managorger Hydra and a Sandwurm Convergence. Sean finally gets a Rhystic trigger (lol).
Turn 9 starts with Sean counting his lands and weeping he has 8. He activates Urza and pulls out an Aceticism, but cannot drop anything with Kodama trigger. He then plays Spoils of Victory, and put out an island. This get him 9 scutes, and 4 zombaes, gains 1 life, draws 1 card. He then plays a Polluted Delta and gets 27 scutes, 6 zombitches, gains 1 life, and draws 1 card. Moves to combat and swings 3 1/1 scutes. 2nd main we see delta get cracked and he shocks in a Breeding Pool. This gives hm 72 scutes and 8 zombuhs. Ryan is at 29, Sean at 56.
Ryan seeing the swarm assembling, counts his mana, gathering the power of his ancestors, to cast a Pull from Tomorrow from for 12. Sean snuffs the glint of hope from his eye with a fat Mana Drain. This still nets Ryan and 12/12 hydra, which he promptly sacs to draw 12. Sean’s amnesia is wearing off as he realizes he is forgetting Rhysuck triggers. Ryan casts a Genesis Hydra for 4, and drops in a Paradise Druid of the top. Sean’s ancestors call out to him, and he pops the question to Ryan “Do YoU pAy ThE oNe?”. Ryan then sacs Chadwick and draws 3. FREED FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING REAL OFF THE TOP. Zaxara is powering up it’s spirit bomb now with infinite mana. Casts Muldrotha, the Gravetide, and follows it up with Chadwick from the bin for 38. He then snaps off a Villainous Wealth onto Sean, eating his entire deck. That is the game folks.
With his dying breath, the villain was able to utter his famous last words.
*Author notes: Big shout out to Keegan for his notes. He is a co-author on this one, I used a lot of his jargons and writing*